Why I love it when friends move away
Cheney Anne Markun
November 19, 2008
I recently attended a going away party for two of my friends who were relocating from London to Glasgow. Amidst all the toasts and the promises to go and visit as soon as possible I was surprised to see that one party guest was crying her eyes out whilst clinging on to my friend like a sort of sad, wet limpet. My husband and I exchanged confused glances but neither of us could work out what her problem was, so we assumed she´d had some bad news or just drunk too much goodbye champagne.
Later that night I caught up with my friend and asked her what had been going on with the now departed limpet, and she told me that the girl in question had "just been sad about us leaving".
Why?" I blurted out without thinking, incredulous that anyone could see this as anything other than brilliant. Admittedly, a move of 400 miles would make popping out for a quick drink after work a bit more tricky but driving up on a Friday afternoon after work was easily doable. Thankfully my friend knows me well enough not to take offence and nodded in agreement, just as confused by all the fuss as I was, before heading off to serve more drinks and cheese on sticks.
On the way home I mulled this over and tried to see some negatives in it for myself but, try as I might I just couldn´t. Now, it may seem as if I´m just pleased to be rid of my friends but let me reassure you that this isn´t the case. The truth is that these particular friends had wanted to live in Scotland for years and were over the moon to be finally making the move, and I was pleased for them. But there was also a very selfish motive here too…..
When my friend lived round the corner I´d be lucky to see her once a month, and even then only for a quick drink before one of us had to rush off and do something else, or get home early to be up for work the next morning but now that she lives north of the border we chat every day and I´m much more in tune with what´s happening in her life. Knowing that someone lives a few roads away tends to make you lazy, you exchange the odd email promising to meet up but then there´s the shopping to do, or the meeting you have to prepare for, or the fact that it´s raining and you really don´t want to go outside. When you do finally meet up it´s often in a rush and you have to prioritise your conversation, telling each other the big news before your last bus leaves or the pub closes and you end up missing out on so much. To some people keeping in touch via email isn´t the same as chatting face to face and I agree whole heartedly, but when time is at a premium you want to be able to really enjoy the time that you do get to spend with your friends without rushing to fill them in on the major events. Now, I know how my friend feels about the girl that she works next to who is off sick all the time and how much it annoys her, I´ve seen a picture of the cool dress that she bought yesterday lunchtime in the sale and we´ve fully debated last nights episode of Eastenders. All of this means that when I do get to see her I can relax and just enjoy her company as we already know each others news and there´s no need to start filling in the back story . In short, I feel more connected to her now then I did when we worked half a mile apart.
The same goes for family too. My husbands parents retired to the south coast of Spain a few years ago and are having a wonderful time relaxing in the sunshine and drinking sangria. When they lived in rainy old England going to see them was something of a chore as it meant battling through the rush hour traffic that constantly covers this overstuffed corner of Britain, arriving hours later, frazzled from a stressful journey and a long day at work and spending most of the time with them thinking about what I had to do for work tomorrow and dreading the drive home. Now, I enjoy a short haul flight over the beautiful scenery of France and Spain, arriving chilled and happy and ready to enjoy the weekend with them. Because we email everyday they already know about the problems we had with the boiler and the painful shoes I had to exchange last week so we can just appreciate being together without the pressure of having to recall everything that´s happened in the six weeks since we saw them last.
And now for the selfish part. I love travelling, and I love spending time with the friends and family that I adore so when these people fulfil their own dreams of living where they really want to then I get to indulge my two biggest passions. I truly do feel that the world is becoming smaller, only twenty years ago a family member moving to the other side of Europe would have put a major strain on things but these days it doesn´t make too big a difference and, as I said, personally it´s made me closer to the people I live so far away from. In days gone by living close to the people you knew was much more of a practical necessity. Without high speed internet and cheap flights staying in contact was so much harder, especially in the days when kids were looked after by grandparents whilst mom and dad went to work and the only way to keep in touch with where you came from was to live there. Now, we can all still be a part of a community even if we haven´t lived there for decades and watching each other change and grow is a mere click away as we upload our photos from the party last night or our latest holiday.
Living somewhere that makes you happy is so very important, and where you belong isn´t always where your roots are. Personally, I encourage all my friends to fly the nest and find the home that´s right for them because geography is no longer a barrier to staying together. If any of them are interested though, I´d really like a place to stay in LA, or Paris, and I really like New York……..
Later that night I caught up with my friend and asked her what had been going on with the now departed limpet, and she told me that the girl in question had "just been sad about us leaving".
Why?" I blurted out without thinking, incredulous that anyone could see this as anything other than brilliant. Admittedly, a move of 400 miles would make popping out for a quick drink after work a bit more tricky but driving up on a Friday afternoon after work was easily doable. Thankfully my friend knows me well enough not to take offence and nodded in agreement, just as confused by all the fuss as I was, before heading off to serve more drinks and cheese on sticks.
On the way home I mulled this over and tried to see some negatives in it for myself but, try as I might I just couldn´t. Now, it may seem as if I´m just pleased to be rid of my friends but let me reassure you that this isn´t the case. The truth is that these particular friends had wanted to live in Scotland for years and were over the moon to be finally making the move, and I was pleased for them. But there was also a very selfish motive here too…..
When my friend lived round the corner I´d be lucky to see her once a month, and even then only for a quick drink before one of us had to rush off and do something else, or get home early to be up for work the next morning but now that she lives north of the border we chat every day and I´m much more in tune with what´s happening in her life. Knowing that someone lives a few roads away tends to make you lazy, you exchange the odd email promising to meet up but then there´s the shopping to do, or the meeting you have to prepare for, or the fact that it´s raining and you really don´t want to go outside. When you do finally meet up it´s often in a rush and you have to prioritise your conversation, telling each other the big news before your last bus leaves or the pub closes and you end up missing out on so much. To some people keeping in touch via email isn´t the same as chatting face to face and I agree whole heartedly, but when time is at a premium you want to be able to really enjoy the time that you do get to spend with your friends without rushing to fill them in on the major events. Now, I know how my friend feels about the girl that she works next to who is off sick all the time and how much it annoys her, I´ve seen a picture of the cool dress that she bought yesterday lunchtime in the sale and we´ve fully debated last nights episode of Eastenders. All of this means that when I do get to see her I can relax and just enjoy her company as we already know each others news and there´s no need to start filling in the back story . In short, I feel more connected to her now then I did when we worked half a mile apart.
The same goes for family too. My husbands parents retired to the south coast of Spain a few years ago and are having a wonderful time relaxing in the sunshine and drinking sangria. When they lived in rainy old England going to see them was something of a chore as it meant battling through the rush hour traffic that constantly covers this overstuffed corner of Britain, arriving hours later, frazzled from a stressful journey and a long day at work and spending most of the time with them thinking about what I had to do for work tomorrow and dreading the drive home. Now, I enjoy a short haul flight over the beautiful scenery of France and Spain, arriving chilled and happy and ready to enjoy the weekend with them. Because we email everyday they already know about the problems we had with the boiler and the painful shoes I had to exchange last week so we can just appreciate being together without the pressure of having to recall everything that´s happened in the six weeks since we saw them last.
And now for the selfish part. I love travelling, and I love spending time with the friends and family that I adore so when these people fulfil their own dreams of living where they really want to then I get to indulge my two biggest passions. I truly do feel that the world is becoming smaller, only twenty years ago a family member moving to the other side of Europe would have put a major strain on things but these days it doesn´t make too big a difference and, as I said, personally it´s made me closer to the people I live so far away from. In days gone by living close to the people you knew was much more of a practical necessity. Without high speed internet and cheap flights staying in contact was so much harder, especially in the days when kids were looked after by grandparents whilst mom and dad went to work and the only way to keep in touch with where you came from was to live there. Now, we can all still be a part of a community even if we haven´t lived there for decades and watching each other change and grow is a mere click away as we upload our photos from the party last night or our latest holiday.
Living somewhere that makes you happy is so very important, and where you belong isn´t always where your roots are. Personally, I encourage all my friends to fly the nest and find the home that´s right for them because geography is no longer a barrier to staying together. If any of them are interested though, I´d really like a place to stay in LA, or Paris, and I really like New York……..
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